


Agent Poole

by Janatee



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Crossover, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-22 11:02:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3726325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janatee/pseuds/Janatee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Riley Poole, former treasure hunter, accidentally sabotages a Hydra mission, Director Coulson recruits him to S.H.I.E.L.D.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by an anon on tumblr and was originally posted on soufflesimmons.tumblr.com

Bobbi Morse had gotten used to her job as a double agent. Everything she did as in Hydra, she reported back to S.H.I.E.L.D.: gathering intel, going out into the field, and, on days like today, pulling together botched missions.

She sat at her desk, going through the mental checklist of items to report back to the Director, when her phone light blinked red – a distress call. Bobbi took her feet off her desk, set down the trail mix she’d been munching on, and picked up her phone.

“Agent Morse!” said the voice at the other end, “Our mission has been sabotaged. We kept to the coordinates you sent us, and as soon as we entered Sector Nine, our helmets went crazy. Everything’s shot; the displays are taken over, and nothing’s-”

“Wait a second,” said Bobbi, closing her eyes and leaning forward at her desk, “What kind of problems are you experiencing, exactly?”

“Well, er-”

The agent on the line gave an embarrassed cough. “Someone patched a local TV feed into our helmets. For the past five minutes, the only thing on our screen is a horde of cartoon ponies. There’s nothing we can do.”

 

Bobbi moved the phone away from her face and tried to stifle a laugh. This was by far the craziest problem she’d ever seen an agent run into. _Cartoon ponies,_ she thought, _that’s a new one._ After taking a moment to compose herself, she brought the phone back to her mouth.

“Can you get a lock on the signal?” she said, serious again.

“Yes, but it’d only lead us to the nearest TV satellite. Whoever did this was smart enough to just redirect the signal from the source to us. Don’t know how they got through though, or how they even knew we were here.”

While he talked, Bobbi scanned through the mission file. Sector Nine was the woods near a mansion. The current tenant had no SHIELD or Hydra affiliations, but there an orange flag on the file indicated a potential Hydra enemy.

“Get Graham to send in the backup strike team and you report back to headquarters,” she replied, “I’ll check the surrounding area.”

She hung up the phone and reached for her holster. Time to do what she did best.

 

***

 

Bobbi pulled up the long driveway in front of the mansion and parked behind a red sports car, the kind reserved for the rich and the sufferers of mid-life crises. _Well, that and Director Coulson,_ she thought, remembering Lola. Walking up the pathway to the door, she glanced through the side windows. Nobody in the immediate vicinity. She grabbed a gadget from her belt and started to pick the lock. As her hands worked, she took in her surroundings. One car, so likely no family. No reinforced glass, so not a safehouse and not occupied by someone who knew they were in danger. The interior furnishing were a few years out of style, but still looked new, so not a lot of entertaining. As she glanced at the door hinges to check for previous break-ins, the lock clicked and the door swung open. She was in.

 

Remembering the car in the driveway, she checked the inside for occupants, but it was empty, long hallways leading to the left and right and a huge marble staircase straight ahead. A countdown started on the security alarm mounted to the wall. Disabling it was tricky – someone had made modifications to a standard design - but she turned off the alarm with a few seconds to spare. She was just beginning a thermal scan of the room’s interior when she heard footsteps behind her. She immediately whipped out her gun and leveled it at the source of the sound: a short skinny guy in jeans, a sweatshirt, and glasses who had just turned the corner.

 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he said, putting his hands up, “What’s with the gun and the spooky assassin vibe?”

Bobbi titled her head to the side.

“Aren’t you that treasure hunter guy?” she said. He hesitated, hands still in the air.

“I think I’ll go with the answer that won’t get me shot.”

“Never mind. Are you an enemy of Hydra?”

“Uh, not that I know of,” he replied, “I’m not about the whole ‘creepy Nazi dudes trying to destroy the world’ thing, but, then again, neither is anybody with a brain, so there you go.” He suddenly paled. “You’re not Hydra, are you?”

“No,” she said, holstering her gun, “But I’m going to need to ask you a few questions.” He put his hands down slowly, watching her gun as he went.

“Am I in trouble?” he asked.

“Depends,” she replied, stepping towards him “Do you have anything to do with hacking into a local TV signal?”

“Technically, yes, but can we go back to the enemy-of-Hydra thing? What’s going on?”

She peered her eyes at him.

“What were you doing with that signal?” she said. He froze, and his eyes flicked towards the now-disabled alarm.

“I don’t think I should tell you that,” he said, looking back at her.

 

Just as he spoke, Bobbi’s wrist gadget beeped, and words scrolled down the display. A team had been dispatched to investigate and was nearly at their location. _Great._

“You have to come with me,” she said.

“No offense,” he said, “But I don’t really think following the mysterious vigilante lady who just broke into my house is such a great idea.”

“Listen, I’ll explain everything later, but you have to trust me for a second. I’m on your side, I promise.”

“Somehow, I don’t find that argument very convincing.”

“I don’t have time for this,” said Bobbi.

“What do you mean you don’t have time for - you broke into my house!” said Riley, “Sorry, but you can’t expect me to take anything you say on faith.”

Bobbi’s wrist blinked again, and she whipped out her gun.

“Sorry,” she said, “This is going to hurt.”

“Hey, wait, can’t we just-” he started, but she shot him before he could finish.

 

***

 

Riley groaned.

“Ow,” he said miserably, “What was that?”

“Icer,” said a voice, “You’ll be fine in a few minutes.”

“Wait, what?” he said, sitting up suddenly and banging his head on the car door handle.

“Aw, jeez,” he said, and put his hand to his head. He opened his eyes and saw the weird break-in girl driving the car. After a moment, he had processed enough to put two and two together.

“You shot me!” he cried, sitting up all the way. He was in the back seat of a car, speeding along the highway.

“It was necessary,” said a British voice from the passenger seat, “You got yourself in a bit of trouble, and we needed to get you out. We’re sorry.”

“Last time I checked, shooting and abducting someone is not how most people get someone ‘out of trouble’.”

“Okay, you’re the one who accidentally sabotaged a Hydra mission,” said Bobbi, “So you should be thanking us.”

“What?!” shouted Riley, “I sabotaged a Hydra mission? Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?”

“There wasn’t time,” replied Bobbi curtly.

“What do you mean there wasn’t time?” he said, “How long does it take to mention, ‘Oh, by the way you accidentally attacked a group of CRAZY NAZI KILLERS’” He put his head in his hands and kneaded at his eyes with the heels of his hands. “I knew I should of moved to the Bahamas.”

 

Simmons interrupted his outburst, turning around to face him from the passenger seat.

“We’re going to take you to a safehouse until we’re sure Hydra doesn’t suspect you,” she said.

“Great,” said Riley, leaning back into his seat “I’ve been abducted by a mysterious government agency. Every conspiracy theorist’s nightmare. Please tell me you at least brought my DVD collection.”

He saw the driver roll her eyes in the rearview mirror.

“This is not my day,” he muttered to himself.

 

***

           

After Bobbi and Jemma had been debriefed regarding their Hydra missions, Coulson had them bring Riley into his office. Riley sat in a chair in front of the Director’s desk, and Jemma and Bobbi stood on either side of him.

“So someone please explain to me why you came back with a civilian in the backseat of your car,” Coulson said.

“He sabotaged a Hydra mission,” Jemma said, “Bobbi took him with us to keep him safe and out of Hydra’s hands.”

“Sabotaged how?” said Coulson.

“He hacked into their gear and replaced their helmet feeds with reruns of My Little Pony,” cut in Bobbi with a tiny smirk. Coulson let out a chuckle, leaning back in his seat.

“That’s gutsy,” he said.

“First of all,” piped up Riley, leaning his chair back, “I didn’t hack anything. It was just a random TV signal. And the station and the timing of the program were _purely_ coincidental. Second, I thought it was the secret service. The president still sends them to stop by my house sometimes. Technically, it’s legal, but very annoying. So I’ve been trying to get them to leave me alone. Usually it works, and I don’t end up making enemies or, you know, being abducted by an agency that isn’t supposed to exist.”

“Even if he didn’t mean to, he still had the ability to attack Hydra,” said Simmons, ignoring Riley, “He obviously has excellent technological capabilities. And with our hacker training to be a field agent and our engineer…ah, our engineer having some problems, it seems like we need some extra help.”

“I like the way you think,” said Coulson. He turned to Riley. “What do you say? We could your expertise, and there’s a shortage of people we can trust right now.”

“I can’t believe this is happening,” said Riley to himself, then looked up at Coulson. “Well, you haven’t exactly left me a plethora of choices. So I guess I’m in.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta-da! The Riley Poole/AOS crossover fic that I've been waiting to write for so long. Since it's mostly for cracky/humorous purposes, not everything makes total sense (for example, I don't know if Bobbi went by her real name at Hydra necessarily, and I'm 90% sure that hacking doesn't work like that, but I'm bending the rules here.)


	2. Chapter 2

Simmons lead Riley to the bunk where he’d be staying. He stuck his head inside the small space, taking account of the surroundings. A shelf of sorts stuck out of the wall at waist height, and a bed sat flush against the wall. The rest of the room was completely empty.

“Frankly, this is sad,” he said, looking back at Simmons.

“You get used to it,” she replied cheerfully, “Now, get yourself settled and then I’ll introduce you to Skye.”

“Wait, who?”

“She’s our resident hacker of sorts,” replied Simmons, “But all in good time. Why don’t you take a little time to settle in, hmm?”

`   
`

She nodded her head, then turned and left him there. After looking around for a minute, he sat on the narrow bed. There was nothing for him to settle – all of his stuff was back at home. He sighed sadly to himself, leaned back on the mattress, and stared at the ceiling for a while. There was a certain cool factor to being recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. and having the chops to sabotage a Hydra mission, however unintentionally. But reality was beginning to set in. He, Riley Poole, tech genius and owner of millions of dollars worth of historical artifacts, was stuck in a tiny bunk in some undisclosed location with no belongings and no idea what he’d gotten himself into. Not to mention the fact that he had no idea what’d happened to his mansion. Maybe it had become the site of some epic S.H.I.E.L.D./Hydra battle that threatened to lay waste to the entire countryside. At the very least, S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were probably all over his property, poking around in all of his stuff…. _Wait a minute._ Riley had an idea.

`   
`

He got out of bed, stuck his head out of the doorway, and looked up and down the hallway. Empty. He walked out of his bunk and turned into the first door he saw. It was a lab of some sort, absolutely covered in things definitely above his security level. _Is that a set of miniature drones?_ he thought, _And the prototype for a portable nuclear power source? Focus, Riley. You’re on a mission._  

`   
`

He grabbed the first computer-like object he saw, a tablet with the S.H.I.E.L.D. logo spinning ominously behind a login screen. He fiddled with it for a while, but got in eventually. He tapped on the first icon he saw, and a hologram shaped like a folder popped up above the screen.

“Oh, that is so cool,” he said, giggling a little to himself. He reached past the hologram to press another icon, and the hologram moved, just as if he’d bumped a physical object.

“No way…”

He grabbed, pinched, and spun the little blue folder; it responded to his every touch. He made an outward motion with his index finger and thumb, as if he were zooming in, and several files sprouted from the folder. Riley grinned.

“This is so awesome,” he murmured. He looked for recent files, and found that a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, Melinda May, had checked on his place already and found a team of Hydra agents in the surrounding area. _Yikes._  

`   
`

He messed around with the interface a little bit more, and then opened a new section and drafted a message to a random agent. Riley began typing out mission parameters, dictating as he went.

“Agent Hunter. Go to the enclosed coordinates and get the following items. No, _retrieve_ the following items,” he added, fixing what he’d typed, “In floor one, on the third door on the right after climbing up the stairs, there will be a box labeled ‘Games’ located on an oak dresser. Do not look at its contents; they are classified. One the second floor, there will be laptop and several cables over by the…”

He went on like this for a while, occasionally getting distracted as he played with the display.

“Aaaaand send!” he said, once he was finished “That was easy.”

`   
`

He set down the tablet. Excited about all the goodies in the lab, and a little inflated with his own cleverness, he turned around and crouched down next to the case of tiny drones.

“Now, what are you guys for?” he murmured, picking one up. He turned it in his hands and saw “Sneezy” etched across the side. He poked what looked like a 360 camera and the little device whirred to life, hovering a little above his hand.

“Hi,” he said, “I’m Riley.”

Sneezy buzzed angrily and zoomed forward, smacking Riley in the forehead.

“Ow! What are you-” Riley couldn’t finish as the drone repeatedly tried to whack him in the face. Riley covered his head with his arms.

“Cut it out!” he cried, “Stop it, tiny drone thing! What did I ever do to you?”

The little guy kept at it. Riley was about to flee when he heard a Scottish voice.

“What’re you doin’ in here?” the voice asked.

“Oh thank goodness,” said Riley, his voice muffled through his sleeve, “Can you please help me?”

 “What for?”

“I’m being attacked! Can you no – ow – not see that?”

“Well that wouldn’t ‘a happened if you’d stayed where you were supposed to be in the first place,” said the man irritably. He reached out and hit a button on a remote by the door, and the device went back into its case.

“You should get out now,” he said, glaring.

“Uh,” said Riley, dumbfounded, “Thanks?”

Not waiting for an answer, Riley turned around and scurried back to his bunk.

`   
`

***

`   
`

He stayed in his bunk for a whole boring, pathetic hour, afraid to do any more exploring lest he be attacked by whatever other crazies S.H.I.E.L.D. was hiding here. He spent that time making a mental checklist of all the S.H.I.E.L.D. secrets that were out there. _I wonder if they’re responsible for the Budapest cover-up,_ he thought, _And they probably know something about how Howard Stark actually died…_

_`   
` _

Just as he was thinking of all the crap they must know about aliens and the moon landing, a knock came at the door.

“Hello?” said a voice. It was Simmons, the agent he’d met earlier. Probably there to introduce him to that hacker girl. Simmons cracked the door open.

“Oh, yeah. Come in,” said Riley, and Simmons opened the door the rest of the way.    

`   
`

The hacker girl did not look like he expected at _all._ She had dark eyes, perfect wavy hair, and looked like she could beat somebody up in about 0.2 seconds.

“Hi,” he said, cautiously extending his hand, “I’m – ”

“Riley Poole?” said the girl incredulously. He opened his mouth to answer, but didn’t get the chance.

“Oh my gosh, Simmons, you recruited _Riley Poole._ ” She stood starstruck for a second, the reached out her hand. “Hi,” she said, a little embarrassed, “I’m Skye.”

He shook it.

“You know who I am?” he started tentatively.

“Duh!” she said, “Two humongously big hidden treasure troves, plus all your work on the ’03 conspiracy, not to mention the hidden meaning of like a billion historical documents – ”

“You’ve read my book?”

“Of course! It was basically required reading when I was in the Rising Tide.” She turned to Simmons, “Why did you not tell me you recruited Riley Poole?”

Simmons shrugged.

 “Didn’t think to, I supposed,” she said, eying Riley a little suspiciously, “I guess I’ll leave you both to it then.” She left, with one last lingering glance in Riley’s direction. Riley grinned, not noticing Simmons’ behavior. This whole S.H.I.E.L.D. thing was going to be a lot better than he’d thought.


End file.
